South Pacific Waves
by Josephine Falnor
Summary: The Allies find Italy's carefree antics annoying, and decide to do something about it. Crack fic. One Shot.


_**Author's Note:**_

_**This is completely crack! Just so you all know. In no way is this meant to be serious, or historic, or anything like that. It's a really short crack fic. **_

_**This was actually inspired by a requirement on my library's teen reading contract. The actual activity was "write a short story using the theme 'making waves' however you like." Obviously, for me, that translated into Hetalia-based crack.**_

_**Once again, this entire thing is a joke, so please don't take it seriously. Review though if you can! I don't write crack very often, so it'd be nice to know how well I did on that. ^^;**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

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China watched as Italy played in the water, his eyes set in a dark glare. "Aiyaa! Why are we out here, messing around in the south pacific, while the enemy acts like this is some sort of vacation at a water park, aru yo?" The question wasn't directed at anyone in particular, and he didn't think he'd been speaking loud enough for anyone else to hear.

Oddly enough, Russia, the largest of the nations, was also quite sneaky, and happened to be standing behind China as he spoke. "Hm? Da, good question…" he replied, despite knowing that China really hadn't been talking to him.

Hearing Russia's voice so suddenly made China jump slightly, turning to see the other nation. "Russia, aru! Don't do that!" he half-yelled, trying to keep his voice quiet to keep Germany from hearing him.

"Don't do what?" Russia asked innocently, despite the aura of "kolkolkol" surrounding him. "I'm allowed to be here, da?"

China looked supremely irritated at this, and started glaring at Russia instead. "You know exactly what. I hate being sneaked up on, aru," he said angrily.

"But I didn't intend to sneak up on you, da!" Russia said, looking more like a reprimanded child, than a full grown nation.

"Fine, aru! Just don't do it again!" China hissed, going back to watching Italy. "That little pasta freak, aru…doesn't he understand this isn't a joyride?" Russia just shrugged.

"Hey!" called the familiarly annoying voice of America. "There they are! Found them, England!"

China turned again from his lookout spot, the irritation showing on his face growing. "Would you shut up, aru yo?" he asked in an obviously agitated whisper, looking at America as though he were the dumbest thing to exist in the history of the world. "He might see us, aru!"

America blinked. "Who might see us?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused. China opened his mouth to reply, but he was so in awe of America's stupidity that he couldn't speak. Fortunately, England had found his way to where the rest of the nations were, followed by France. "

"Fool," England muttered, glaring at America. "You do realize we're fighting a war, don't you?"

"Hm, yeah," America replied, looking back at England.

"And you know who we're fighting against?" England shot back.

"I think so!" America said cheerfully.

"Did it ever occur to you that we're in the south pacific for a reason, and it might have to do with who we're fighting against, and maybe we want to stay quiet so they won't hear us?" England asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh? Oh. Ohhhh…" America slowly realized what England meant.

"Bloody wanker…" England muttered, going to look at Italy as he swam. France followed close behind.

"If only we had a way to, ah, mess with him a bit," France said, smirking as he watched Italy, a nation he'd known as his younger brother through most of history, swimming happily (not that it made him very protective of him.) "For instance, it would be a terrible shame if his swimming was to be, ah…interrupted, oui? Best of all, it would cause problems for the Kraut," he added, smiling viciously at the thought of causing trouble for Germany.

England rolled his eyes. "Why the hell would I listen to any of your disastrous plans?" he asked, sighing a little as he considered some of France's stupid ideas from the past.

"You don't understand, dear Angleterre," France said, his voice holding a bit of a whine in it. "I wouldn't even bother talking to you about this if it didn't involve you." He smiled as that piece of information started to sink in.

"What exactly do you need me for?" England asked, his voice beyond irritation at this point.

America looked back and forth between England and France, curious about how this would all turn out. "Well, England, it might not be bad to listen to him. I mean, seriously, you were the one talking about the war, and how important it is, and all that stuff. France might have a good idea." He knew England wouldn't listen to that, considering that it was in support of France, so America added slyly "besides, it can't be all that bad if he's asking such a strong, powerful nation like you for help, can it?"

England blinked as America's words sunk in. "Fine," he said shortly, glaring at France. "What sort of plan have you got?"

France smiled evilly, glancing down at the water where Italy was playing. "Of course, I don't want to see the boy hurt. He's like a brother to me. No, I just want to make things difficult for the Kraut, and what would make things worse for him than to make him chase after little Italy, oui?"

England considered that a moment, realizing it wasn't as dumb a plan as it could've been. "Actually, you have a point. What do you propose, and how exactly am I involved?"

"Well, you're very good with magic, no?" France asked, winking at England. "Could you make a wave? A very large wave? One that would push him out to sea just a bit?"

"Of course I can. How else would I have defeated Spain's armada as easily as I did?" England asked, his voice slightly annoyed that France hadn't remembered that, but deep down, he was flattered that France considered him skilled with magic.

"Very well. Do it then, oui? Sooner rather than later. That's an English saying, no?" France said, looking back at the water.

"I don't see any reason to wait," England replied, shrugging.

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**30 Minutes Later**

Italy's cries of "ve~! Ve~! Help me, Germany! Ve~!" could be heard all along the beach, and the Allies listened to them happily while roasting their marshmallows. When they started to hear Germany calling out for Italy, they laughed, and when Germany dived into the water, trying to swim and catch Veneciano, they just laughed harder, watching from their perch on the cliff.

"Fine," England said, once the laughed had died enough for him to speak. "I should listen to you more often, France."

"Ah, oui, mon cher. I've been telling you that for years, haven't I? Perhaps you should listen to my nighttime offers as well," France replied, winking. England was too flustered to reply.

"At least we aren't the only ones roughing it now, aru," China sighed, lying back on the ground to look at the slowly appearing stars. Russia smiled innocently in response, though his "kol"ing didn't die down completely.

America just asked everyone questions about who was in the war, when it would be over, etc… only to be called "bloody idiot" by England.

Eventually, even America quieted down, and everyone fell asleep by the fire, dreaming of ways to annoy Germany and the other members of the Axis.


End file.
